QUOTATIONS FOR YOU, MY FRIEND

I THINK QUOTATIONS COME IN HANDY WHEN YOU WANT TO GET PEOPLE'S APPROVAL WITHOUT USING YOUR BRAIN.

I GAVE MY BRAIN A HOLYDAY TODAY, SO WHILE IT'S TRAMPING ABOUT, THESE ARE MY QUOTES FOR YOU

AFTER ONE LOOK AT THIS PLANET ANY VISITOR FROM OUTER SPACE WOULD SAY " I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!"-- WILLIAMS S. BURROUGHS

ONLY TWO THINGS ARE INFINITE: THE UNIVERSE, AND HUMAN STUPIDITY, AND I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THE FORMER.--- . ALBERT EINSTEIN.

GOD MADE EVERYTHING OUT OF NOTHINGNESS, BUT THE NOTHINGNESS SHOWS THROUGH---. PAUL VALERY.

THE WORLD IS A TRAGEDY FOR THOSE WHO FEEL AND A COMEDY FOR THOSE WHO THINK. .--- HORACE WALPOLE

SECURITY IS A KIND OF DEATH. ---TENNESSEE WILLIAMS.

I DON'T WANT TO ACHIEVE IMMORTALITY THROUGH MY WORK....I WANT TO ACHIEVE IT THROUGH NOT DYING. ---WOODY ALLEN.

I WOULD NEVER DIE FOR MY BELIEFS BECAUSE I MIGHT BE WRONG.--- BERTRAND RUSSELL.

SELF SACRIFICE ENABLES US TO SACRIFICE OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT BLUSHING.-- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW.

A BANKER IS A FELLOW WHO LENDS YOU HIS UMBRELLA WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING, BUT WANTS IT BACK THE MINUTE IT BEGINS TO RAIN.--- MARK TWAIN.

ANYTHING TO STUPID TO BE SAID IS SUNG---. VOLTAIRE.

WE LIVE IN AN AGE WHEN UNNECESARY THINGS ARE OUR ONLY NECESSITIES.--- OSCAR WILDE.

LAWS ARE SPIDER WEBS THROUGH WHICH THE BIG FLIES PASS AND THE LITTLE ONES GET CAUGHT.--- HONORE DE BALZAC.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WERE YOU'RE GOING, ANY ROAD WILL TAKE YOU THERE.--- LEWIS CARROLL

ACTING IS ALL ABOUT HONESTY. IF YOU CAN FAKE THAT,YOU'VE GOT IT MADE.--- BEORGE BURNS.

UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN ANOTHER MAN'S MOCCASINS, YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THE SMELL. --ROBERT BYRNE.

IF LAWYERS ARE DISBARRED AND CLERGYMEN ARE DEFROCKED, DOESN'T IT FOLLOW THAT ELECTRICIANS CAN BE DELIGHTED AND MUSICIANS DENOTED?. ---GEORGE CARLING.

THE TROUBLE WITH OUR TIMES IS THAT THE FUTURE IS NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE.-. PAUL VALERY.-

IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE A MAN IS TELLING THE TRUTH, WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU WOULD LIE IF YOU WERE IN HIS PLACE.--- H. L. MENCKEN

ALMOST ALL ABSURDITY OF CONDUCT ARISES FROM THE IMITATION OF THOSE WHO WE CANNOT RESEMBLE.--- SAMUEL JOHNSON.

NOT ONLY LIFE IS A BITCH....IT HAS PUPPIES---. ADRIENNE GUSOFF

LIFE IS A MODERATELY GOOD PLAY WITH A BADLY WRITTEN THIRD ACT. ---TRUMAN CAPOTE.

MAN IS THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT CAN REMAIN ON FRIENDLY TERMS WITH THE VICTIMS HE INTEND TO EAT, UNTIL HE EATS THEM.--- SAMUEL BUTLER.

LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A COMPETITION TO BE THE CRIMINAL RATHER THAN THE VICTIM-. BERTRAND RUSSELL.

TIME IS THE BEST TEACHER,BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT KILLS ALL OF ITS STUDENTS.---ROBIN WILLIAMS

IT'S THE GOOD GIRLS THAT KEEP DIARIES, THE BAD GIRLS NEVER HAVE THE TIME.----TALLULAH BANKHEAD

IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK, BUILD A DOOR.----MILTON BERLE.

TRAGEDY IS WHEN I CUT MY FINGER, COMEDY, WHEN YOU WALK INTO AN OPEN SEWER AND DIE.---MEL BROOKS

IT'S TOO BAD THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO RUN THE COUNTRY ARE BUSY DRIVING CABS OR CUTTING HAIR.----GEORGE BURNS

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, FAILURE MAY BE YOUR STYLE.----QUENTIN CRISP

WOMEN NEED A REASON TO HAVE SEX. MEN JUST NEED A PLACE.---- BILLY CRYSTAL

A HUSBAND IS LIKE A FIRE, HE GOES OUT WHEN UNATTENDED----EVAN ESAR

A HOSPITAL IS NO PLACE TO BE SICK.----SAMUEL GOLDWYN

ANY WOMAN WHO THINKS THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH, IS AIMING ABOUT TEN INCHES TOO HIGH.----- ADRIENNE GUSOFF

HE WHO MAKES A BEAST OF HIMSELF, GETS RID OF THE PAIN OF BEING A MAN.---SAMUEL JOHNSON

JEALOUSY IS ALL THE FUN YOU THINK THEY HAD. --- ERICA JONG

ALMOST NOBODY DANCES SOBER, UNLESS THEY HAPPEN TO BE INSANE.---H. P. LOVECRAFT

CONCIENCE IS THE INNER VOICE THAT WARNS US SOMEBODY MAY BE LOOKING.---H.L. MENCKEN

A CASUAL STROLL THROUGH THE LUNATIC ASYLUM, SHOWS THAT FAITH DOES NOT PROVE ANYTHING.----FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

ROCK JOURNALISM IS PEOPLE WHO CAN'T WRITE, INTERVIEWING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TALK FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T READ.----FRANK ZAPPA

 QUOTATIONS ARE THE EASIEST WAY OF FILLING A BLANK PAGE.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE IMAGINATION, JUST QUOTE.

QUOTING IS THE SMOOTHEST WAY TO  COMMIT PLAGIARISM WITHOUT BEING ILEGAL.----ELISINHA

IN THE END EVERYTHING IS A GAG.----CHARLIE CHAPLIN